First, a little math:
Today my BFF turns 33 just 11 days before I do.
I met this BFF when I was just 8 and in 3rd grade.
That means we’ve been friends just shy of 25 years.
I drove 4 hours to come visit her for 3 days.
She has 1 son, I have 1 son and 2 daughters and we are working our hardest to let them spend as much time as possible together. We are both from small-ish families and we can use all the ‘cousins’ we can get.
I saw this music video several months ago and stopped dead in my tracks. I was cleaning out my closet and just came out and stood with my heart welling up. This song is so true and I immediately started thinking about all the friends I could call ‘old friends’. It was probably a hormonal day. Moving on… besides the BFF, I have a handful of friends from high school I still see and one or two from my college years. Of course, I’m Facebook friends with people I don’t even remember speaking to in school but these people are real friends involved in my life and people I still see on a semi-frequent basis.
Then, as usual, I got to thinking about how this goes along with the adoption of our children. Will they make old friends? Right now Agent K is going into 7th grade and has no friends from before he moved in with us. That means when he is out of high school, the oldest friend he could have is one he met this year, half way thorough his school career. I’ve been trying to get him to have sleepovers and playdates but he just seems uninterested. However, when anyone mentions hanging out, he is the first one in the car hollering at us to go drop him off. I think the disappointment has kept him from getting excited and putting himself out there but when he thinks he is really getting included, he is like a giddy schoolgirl. To be honest, we get excited for him just as much. We are worried about relationships and friends and bonding and all that stuff therapists have told us to make sure to help him with.
The girls are going into 3rd grade and I am praying they make some friends by having sleepovers and playdates like I did. My best memories are going to BFF’s house for the weekend and being included into their family like I was part of it. Her brother was older and out of the house so it was almost as if they just had us, the fraternal twins, to tote around everywhere with them. The mall, the dollar movies, Waffle House, it was just always a party of four and I loved it. I wish that fun on my daughters. I also hope they start to venture into separate friends because the co-friends never work out well with us. Friends always pick a side down to what bunk they are going to sleep in and someone feels left out and sad.
Now I know the fact that they were in DHS custody doesn’t automatically mean that they will have trouble making old friends but I will try my best to form and nurture those relationships if they arise. I am not even 33 and I have an old friend for 25 years. I am not naive enough to think that is the ‘norm’ but I also asked around the office and its not unheard of. Some people are just in your life forever and not because of any DNA. I have chosen her, and her wild family, as my own family for a quarter century and hope that when we are Kenny & Dolly’s age we can go karaoke this song to our grandkids.