Monthly Archives: June 2015

Letters To My Younger Self


When I look back at my life, I wish so much that I could tell my younger self things. I think I’ll start writing those letters down for you to see/laugh at. Today we are going to dive into my biggest regret, ill-fitting underwear. Hold on to your knickers…

Dear Younger Carynn,


Remember when you were in eighth grade and bought your first D-cup bra? Man, that sucked.

Remember when your mom stopped buying your bras and you were in charge of it? It was sweet freedom mixed with the burden of having to decide what you could afford. That sucked but a little less. No more white or tan. No more five-snap closures and wide shoulder straps for comfort. Only pretty and sexy flowers, polka dots and lace. Supportive? SUPPORTIVE?! To hell with that! We only wanted cute and you can’t feel cute in beige.

Fast forward to college. Remember having to try to buy swimsuits that didn’t stick to every roll but were tight at the top to keep the girls reigned in? That wasn’t so awesome either. The cute suits with actual built-in bras were like a million dollars! The alternatives had a sad piece of tan material that was advertised as a ‘bra’ and may as well have not been there at all. You went with those so you could try not to break the bank. That sucked too.

Well let me let you in on a little secret… ALWAYS go with the lift and separate no matter the price! You can afford it, I swear. Well, mostly you can’t afford not to buy it. Your boobs will thank you and you will look so much better. For years you will have to live through beige but around 1996 they will start making pretty bras that fit like a glove. Invest and enjoy! Your pictures, your back and your future self will all thank you too : )

Oh, and buy any undies you want, just make sure they’re super comfy and make you feel cute. No need for the granny panties though, you’ve been better than that for 33 years strong so don’t give in.


Future Carynn


P.S. Don’t wait a week, just call him. Things get good ; )




If you come over to my house, and I LOVE when people do, don’t look around, ok? Don’t examine my baseboards or dusty shelves because of two main reasons:

1.) It makes you rude so just go home.

2.) I can’t help it, blame the tiny child.

I’ve been trying for a year to keep up with the mess but it has been getting to me recently. This summer day camp is kicking my butt. Every day they have to wear something specific, I have to pack specific things in their bag, we have to pack a sack lunch, and then when we finally walk in the door at 6:00pm, they come home like a hot stormy mess tearing through our home like the Tasmanian Devil. I GIVE UP!


I decided tonight, after a two-hour-all-hands-on-deck cleaning session, that I’m giving in to the Duggar style of cleaning. In their family, each child gets a “jurisdiction”. The jurisdiction isn’t a specific task as much as it is an area of the house that needs to be cleaned and taken care of. My tiny child is now in charge of anything that is a wood surface like a shelf, coffee table, or the wall-to-wall wood floor. She will dust and sweep on a weekly basis to keep them looking nice. My middle kiddo is in charge of the bathrooms. She loves cleaning them (for now) so more power to her! The boy is in charge of the trash/recycle area and the video game room. He spends the most time in it, why not?

There is an obvious learning curve with this and even though they have been taught how to clean these areas more than once, there was still quite a bit of me going back and re-cleaning things myself. That should get less and less so that when I’m cleaning my own jurisdictions (kitchen, laundry area, etc), I’m not getting interrupted a million times about how to work the vacuum. I think this is going to work. It HAS to work. I have to get some relief ASAP.

At the very least, I’m going to thin out the amount of things in the house. With the kids leaving for the next two weeks, there is about to be a mega purge. Just Between Friends and Goodwill are about to prosper! Their closets will hopefully be empty shells of what they are now. I’m thinning the toys, the clothes, the books, everything! If it can’t be used up, it better get used all the dang time. That reminds me, I need to go set the DVR to record Hoarders so that I can be inspired…

My Respite Care Birthday



Husbando and I have birthdays four days apart. We are both a Gemini (the twins) so we’re practically twins. Bam. See what I did there? Anyway, we decided to take off our birthday week because, duh. What is a better gift?! We originally chose the week as FMLA ‘bonding time’ but later decided that after almost a year, we may benefit even more from a week apart. The girlies went off to Nana’s, Agent K went to do good in Louisiana and we hit the open road to Branson. Yup, we decided on a geriatric slow-paced time away. We took in a few shows, had way too much to eat (more on that in a moment) and did whatever the heck we wanted. I mean seriously it was just what we needed. A few highlights (and lowlights) are below:


  • On my birthday we got to go to the Dixie Stampede. Have you been? You should go. Think redneck version of Medieval Times based around a rodeo. You eat a tiny rotisserie chicken with your hands while sitting around a horse arena watching all kinds of shenanigans. Where you sit dictates if you are the ‘North’ or the ‘South’. We were the North and we lost. Boo.
  • The Groupon we purchased for the Lodge of the Ozarks included a free breakfast buffet for each day and a free Golden Corral buffet and drink per day. That’s right, TWO buffets for free every day. That actually was a little much and the night of Dixie Stampede we ‘wasted’ the Golden Corral vouchers but found a nice older couple that used them for us. It was a great deal and really made the vacation possible for us so we could afford the other things we wanted to do.
  • It rained the entire time we were there.
  • We did get to go shopping, on two winery tours, to two more shows within walking distance of the lodge, had pedicures done, and watched a ton of adult HBO.
  • BOTH my tv husbands died off in ONE day. After my Game of Thrones husband got killed, the True Blood husband got shot! Then I switched to Entourage because no one dies in that show and I love the cursing.

IMG_2716When we returned, we had a night at the house alone before we picked up the girlies. We cleaned up, did laundry and prepared to be back in our normal routine. While playing one last night of video games we sat there talking about the guilt we were having that we had spent a week alone and didn’t necessarily feel bad. We joked that we hadn’t been fetal and crying that our kids weren’t with us and did that make us monsters. Then I woke up and remembered that less than a year ago we got to do whatever we wanted whenever we wanted and that to miss that precious time with my husband wasn’t wrong. I would assume that everyone thinks back to a simpler time when they got to have 100% of their spouse’s attention and why wouldn’t I long for that back? It doesn’t make me less of a parent, it just means I have a time in my life that I miss. Our kids are a great blessing but the change has been long and hard. It is for sure worth it but I’m going to take any respite care I can get : )



First, a little math:

Today my BFF turns 33 just 11 days before I do.

I met this BFF when I was just 8 and in 3rd grade.

That means we’ve been friends just shy of 25 years.

I drove 4 hours to come visit her for 3 days.

She has 1 son, I have 1 son and 2 daughters and we are working our hardest to let them spend as much time as possible together. We are both from small-ish families and we can use all the ‘cousins’ we can get.

I saw this music video several months ago and stopped dead in my tracks. I was cleaning out my closet and just came out and stood with my heart welling up. This song is so true and I immediately started thinking about all the friends I could call ‘old friends’. It was probably a hormonal day. Moving on… besides the BFF, I have a handful of friends from high school I still see and one or two from my college years. Of course, I’m Facebook friends with people I don’t even remember speaking to in school but these people are real friends involved in my life and people I still see on a semi-frequent basis.

Then, as usual, I got to thinking about how this goes along with the adoption of our children. Will they make old friends? Right now Agent K is going into 7th grade and has no friends from before he moved in with us. That means when he is out of high school, the oldest friend he could have is one he met this year, half way thorough his school career. I’ve been trying to get him to have sleepovers and playdates but he just seems uninterested. However, when anyone mentions hanging out, he is the first one in the car hollering at us to go drop him off. I think the disappointment has kept him from getting excited and putting himself out there but when he thinks he is really getting included, he is like a giddy schoolgirl. To be honest, we get excited for him just as much. We are worried about relationships and friends and bonding and all that stuff therapists have told us to make sure to help him with.

The girls are going into 3rd grade and I am praying they make some friends by having sleepovers and playdates like I did. My best memories are going to BFF’s house for the weekend and being included into their family like I was part of it. Her brother was older and out of the house so it was almost as if they just had us, the fraternal twins, to tote around everywhere with them. The mall, the dollar movies, Waffle House, it was just always a party of four and I loved it. I wish that fun on my daughters. I also hope they start to venture into separate friends because the co-friends never work out well with us. Friends always pick a side down to what bunk they are going to sleep in and someone feels left out and sad.

Now I know the fact that they were in DHS custody doesn’t automatically mean that they will have trouble making old friends but I will try my best to form and nurture those relationships if they arise. I am not even 33 and I have an old friend for 25 years. I am not naive enough to think that is the ‘norm’ but I also asked around the office and its not unheard of. Some people are just in your life forever and not because of any DNA. I have chosen her, and her wild family, as my own family for a quarter century and hope that when we are Kenny & Dolly’s age we can go karaoke this song to our grandkids.