Monthly Archives: November 2014

STOP PRAYING FOR MY PATIENCE!

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Madre always taught me not to pray for patience because if you do, you’ll get tested. To that I politely say NO THANK YOU and have restrained the desire to ever ask for that trait. However, God has a sense of humor and the test is real, y’all.

With it being National Adoption Month and me being the only person most of my friends know who has adopted, I’m being bombarded with articles, blogs, pro-adoption pics/quotes and basically everything about adoption ever. I love it 98% of the time but today Husbando sent me a photo contest (that we can’t even enter since we can’t put our kids on the internet) but I spiraled out of control. I went to the I Love Adoption Pinterest board and scrolled quickly through a few of their boards. The last board was about infertility and I thought it was going to be pro-adoption but I was wrong. The last pin on the board was this:

a669256a51eae99f8cae72310a709357Someone better get me a Xanie because I’m about to go all kinds of ape-crazy up in here. You all are a PRO-ADOPTION account. Why would you post something (or allow it to be posted) like this?! Let me list for you the three top things that irritate me about this.

1. Back in the day (I wasn’t there but lets just pretend it is around the time when Half-Pint was roaming her little prairie) if you weren’t able to conceive, IT WASN’T THE END OF THE FREAKING WORLD. I know it may feel like that for the people going through it now but that is not all their fault. It seems like our society values your ability to push out a baby more than what kind of person you are. Or what skills you have. You just accepted that infertility is what God had given you in life. My grandmother tells me of a time when people didn’t spend a gajillion dollars trying to have a baby, they either went without or they adopted. Both viable and perfectly fine choices. We don’t all have to be the Duggars.

2. People are just trying to help. At least they are giving you a completely justifiable and legitimate alternative because it really is just that simple. If it wasn’t, then you could get mad. I’m fat and when my grandmother suggested I have carrots instead of cookies do you think I made an eCard about it?! No, I put my big girl panties on and realized I could eat the carrots or I could continue to be fat. Either way it was my decision so I couldn’t whine about it. Uh oh, I’m on a roll…

3. This is the big one. It is F-R-E-E to adopt. Free. No money. The state picks up the entire tab, you don’t open your wallet and I mean free. We haven’t paid ONE CENT for a background check, driving record, home study, nothing. In fact, the great state of Oklahoma writes us a check every single month until they turn 18 to continue to take care of these kids comfortably. We pay absolutely zero for health/dental/eye care. We pay zero for therapy, we pay zero for a YMCA memberships, and we even pay zero for our attorney. You cannot tell me that you don’t adopt because you don’t have extra money laying around. You may not adopt an international newborn for that reason but those come into DHS custody too so just wait it out and you could get that baby girl for free too.

See what I mean? I told you it was working my patience. I’m frustrated that this image exists. I’m frustrated that there were 157 more kids at the adoption parties we didn’t get to bring home and I’m frustrated that my infertile friends feel like they are less than adequate people because they can’t have babies. But babies aren’t the only way to make a family and if you want to bad enough, you can get it free.

I’ve got to go iron my best dress because I’m sure the head of the I Love Adoption Pinterest account is going to call and ask if I will be their new Face of Adoption. I’m just so poised and refined like that.

 

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Starting to Settle Down- Month 3

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The kids are finally starting to settle into their extended family and I am very grateful. We were a tiny little 5-person unit for a while but now the munchkins are excited for the upcoming breaks to see the rest of the family they have gotten to know. As we continue to spend a lot of time with our family during the holidays (not just constantly meeting new people everywhere we go), I think their sense of this being “their” family will grow.

They haven’t met everyone yet (Husbando has 1,556 second cousins) but they are definitely getting to the point where they are calling people Aunt and Uncle and are remembering things about them. They are seeing things that remind them of family members and are asking us to send pics to them. They want to call and FaceTime people that they miss and they are really retaining memories of time spent together.

They feel comfy being left with family or babysitters and I assume that has to do with how awesome the family and babysitters (Hi Morgan!) are. Based on the fact that their comfort includes fighting with their siblings and sometimes even us, I’d say we’re getting a lot closer to the Normal Family Stage. Note to self, three months in and we’re normal.

Last month was the Testing The Limits Stage and I’m reeeeeaaaallll glad we’ve moved out of that one. We had some problems at school (which we may or may not keep having) but they have settled down quite a bit. The Honeymoon Stage couldn’t last forever, could it? We knew that going in and to honest, this Normal Family Stage is better anyway. I don’t want fake and I don’t want them trying to impress us in hopes of us letting them stay. I want day to day normal no matter how non-normal we really are ; )

 

Birds Of A Feather

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Do you want to know how I know we got the right kids? Because sometimes Agent K pulls out a culinary masterpiece like this and I know he belongs to me. This is SO something I would do. Wait until he sees how you’re supposed to eat Nanny’s roast dinner! You make a mashed potato boat, you put in the little corn people. Then you add the cut up roast and drown them all in a tsunami of gravy while quietly saying ‘help me, help me’. It is my fave.

Thank you God for the little moments like these.

Go Ahead And Plant Your Roots Here Little Ones

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One of my favorite scenes in The Blind Side is when the baby pics of all the graduates are being flashed on the screen as the students receive their diplomas. The dad leans over to the mom asking where she came up with the baby pic of Michael and she says something like “thats not him, I stole that out of a picture frame”. The dad just rolls his eyes and chuckles. Why did she do that? Because it was important for Michael to be the same as everyone else.

The kids are eventually going to have a project that includes the need of a baby pic. Or ancestry information. Or even just questions about their childhood. As adoptive parents, we aren’t going to know those answers or have those photos.* Everyone does a family tree at some point in school and Husbando has been working in genealogy for the past few years to make a pretty great ancestry chart of our families. Our options are to use his or to leave things blank. Obviously we will leave it to the kids and be the super sweet and supportive parents that all the books and blogs tell us to be but with their birthparents living so close to us, I don’t exactly want them Googling them. It took me about 5 seconds to find them, their contact info, pics and their social media stuff. I don’t need Agent K pulling them up on Facebook and starting a convo.

Their parental rights were severed very early on and quickly because the state decided that was best. I’m thrilled they did because I want nothing to do with them and I want my kids to be older before they decide if they feel the same way. I’ve told you in the past that the foster parents seemed to have a chip on their shoulder too so I kinda liked the clean break from them too. Were working on building our family and I hope that we have a while before we have to cross that family tree bridge.

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*Or are we? I have become a VERY good internet investigator and now possess several low-quality pictures of my peanuts when they were with their biological parents. I treasure them like gold and I hope they will too when they get older.