Here is another installment of Adoption Sensitivity Training for you guys ; )
Birthmoms/First Moms/Whatever You Wanna Call Them are on my mind a lot lately. I follow a blog written by one particularly articulate woman who is gut-wrenchingly honest about her struggle with her decision. Her anger and pain are not enjoyable to me (and I struggle with if I should I ‘like’ her posts or not) but her perspective is fascinating. I will never know what it is like to feel what she feels but I think its important that I absorb all the viewpoints I can. I want to be informed and sensitive just like I want that from others.
As these women in the video show, it is all a matter of bridling your tongue. They don’t want to hear insensitive and uncomfortable things just like our family doesn’t want to either.
Our first school Picture Day at the girls’ school came and went. Hopefully they turn out nice but we will own them either way since now the company made us send a check before they will even sit them down to take the pic. At $25 a kid for a basic package (that doesn’t even include an 8×10) I don’t know that we will be buying them every year. I have friends that have switched to taking them somewhere like Picture People for their back to school pics and I just may do that since its half the price.
Anyway, I wanted you to see this pic because oh my does it show off their personalities! They are both so different and this pic captures who they really are. Miss D is the girly girl that is a sucker for frill and lace. Lady H loves comfort above all other things but still likes to feel cute. I like to think she gets that from me ; )
WARNING: THIS IS MORE OF A VENT THAN A REAL POST
My realtor, who is also a high school friend, really pushed us to venture out of the area we thought we wanted and go south to get into a better school district. We fell in love with our house the moment we saw it so that helped. When people asked where it was and about the schools we beamed with pride. Our kids were going to be geniuses. We were so happy that our kids wouldn’t go to the Crappy Public Schools but instead, would get top rate education in the Really Nice District and obviously go on to be presidents of Fortune 500 companies.
Fast forward a month and you will get zero glowing recommendations about this Really Nice District from us. The enrollment process was a pure nightmare, their teachers have been just ok, Agent K’s assistant principal and I about came to a shouting match on the phone, and I’m on my way to email the Assistant Superintendent after I write this blog. Parent/Teacher conferences were last night and we also met with the girls’ principal. She has been spending too much time with single-digit-aged kids because I left the room feeling like she didn’t even know HOW to talk to adults. I get that you need to relate to them but please don’t treat me like I AM one of them.
It was a long, hard night of feeling like no one was listening to us. No one cared what my kids have been through, no one cares what parents want for their kids, and no one is ‘special’ there. Everyone has to be treated like they all have the same past, present, and future. Thanks a lot Really Nice District Lovers for hyping me up for quality education when all I’m getting is gray hairs. Oh, and a gasoline bill that is a gazillion times what it would have been if I bought a house where I wanted : /
P.S. WHO STILL HAS A REDSKIN AS A MASCOT?! GET WITH THE TIMES!!
This last weekend was a doozy! Friday night Husbando’s parents came to visit and took the kids to dinner, shopping, and swimming. The next morning we all went to the OU tailgate and at the game Agent K got to have his picture taken with a player. That evening the kids got to hang out with family, including their great-grandmother for the first time, while Husbando’s parents took us to dinner. That night three of our teenagers came to spend the night so it was one big slumber party!
The next morning was church so we took up a whole row and afterwards went to Cracker Barrel. Smith, party of ten! After we were all frilled up on carbs, it was time to head home for The Party. Our friends offered to throw us an adoption party at our house so that we could get things for the kids and so people could stock our toilet paper/paper towel supply. We helped with last minute prep, got changed into our party clothes and then people started arriving. Then they kept arriving until our house was FULL! We are so very lucky that we have friends and family that were so very generous to us and our new family members. I mean look at this pile of gifts!
During the party we played a game to get to know the kids better (favorite ice cream, what they like to do in their free time) and mingled. The kids snacked on the Sweet N Salty Bar and hopped around with their new friends. Everyone had a good time and I’m still cleaning up the aftermath of the present apocalypse that happened in our family room.
After everyone went home and we got (mostly) everything cleaned up we went out side and tried out some of the new outdoor toys. They pogo-sticked, scootered, and raced all up and down our drive-way for an hour before it was time to finish off the snack food for dinner and hop into bed. They were ready to sleep that night and so was I!
Continuing with the ‘firsts’, we have now had our first haircuts! We spent no less than two hours at Top*Cut the other night because they only had one person working. We kept her nice and busy until closing and she did a great job. She was very patient and really helped me get the right cut for all of them. Getting to pick out their own I think was the best part because they felt like they had a choice in the matter, something I don’t think was awarded to them before. Miss D thinks she looks like Katy Perry. I don’t see it but ok, we’ll go with that.
According to the kids, they have never had a professional cut and they couldn’t understand why I wouldn’t just do it. Why?! Because thats how you got bangs for days and an uneven back to begin with! Its going to take us years to grow this stuff out and while I’m grateful to the foster parents for many things, their haircuts are not one. So we’re working on the bangs and clipping them to the side for now. They’ll thank me later for getting this over now and not in middle school. Add this to the things I’m glad to provide for them and it makes me happy that they enjoyed it.
Sometimes you just have to blur your kids out…
Yup, we’re still on ‘firsts’ for a while and this one happens to be our first road trip to Texas. Four hours in the car was not going to be easy with these three but we made it work. They all packed a bag of goodies to play with and with the promise of a Blizzard toward the end of our trek, they made it. While in the magic land of Texas the kiddos had totally different experiences.
- Agent K learned to ski, became a tubing daredevil, made a friend to play Minecraft with and had some serious male bonding time with all the guys that were around. I think wake-boarding is on his list for next year.
- Lady H was timid on the water at first but eventually convinced us she was having fun, even though from her face in all the pics she looks miserable. She helped in the kitchen some but mostly loved the swimming and running up/down the stairs.
- Miss D found herself a boyfriend in Agent K’s friend, wrote him a love letter, and hasn’t stopped talking about him since. She also became a tubing master and decided that golf really was pretty fun.
All three had a great time at a surprise birthday party we threw for their ‘Papa Slick’ but really enjoyed having a playroom to retreat to when all the adults started pinching their cheeks. We love that they got to spend some good time at the lake at least once this year but it will be the only time. Luckily we made enough memories to last us until at least March when I’m sure they’ll start asking when we can go back : )
I am behind, I know. I had all these written then forgot to go back and add the pics. Forgive me, please : )
Last Thursday we went to our first college football game, TU vs. Tulane. At the tailgate the kids played on inflatables, ate corn-dogs, Dip-n-Dots, and kettle corn, cheered for the team and really did great for it being their first time. We sit in the second row so they have a good view and the crunching of helmets seemed to keep their attention. The girls and I left at halftime so they could go home and go to bed but Agent K and Husbando stayed for the double overtime and didn’t get into bed until after 11pm!
I wonder what kinds of things they have missed out on with their past. Did they ever get to sit in the cool October air and watch football? Did they ever go to the pumpkin patch or to look at Christmas lights? I am so excited for the next few months because they are our favorite time of year and we can’t wait to share them with the kids.
We are very glad to start adding them to the activities we already do so they really get what our daily life is about. I’ve gone off early days and in a few weeks Husbando and I will both be working 8-5 again. Our evenings will be much shorter and life will become a blur of homework and baths, I’m sure.