There is a huge list of pros and cons for adoption vs. conceiving. I try to focus on the positives like no (additional) stretch marks, no diapers, being able to ask a kid ‘what hurts’ and other things like that. The longer we’re in the process, the more things for that pro list come up, both joking and not.
But… and this is a BIG but… it will be hard to not be called Mama right from the beginning. It will be hard not to hold a baby and tirelessly try to get them to say it. Every parent I’ve ever known has encouraged the ma-ma/da-da words from very young and when the baby finally says it they are filled with joy to the point they can barely contain the love in their heart.
As adoptive parents we don’t know what these kids will want to do. If they call their foster parents Mom and Dad (like you would if people took care of you for three years) then it could take us quite a while to go from being their parents to Mom and Dad. They may want to use it right away or it may take years. *puts hash on the con side*
Lucky for us all, from the get-to they will be referred to as our kids, not our adopted kids. Duh. I’m sure when we run into people we will get asked about our new sidekicks and will have to come up with an answer quickly at the Wal*Mart checkout. How do you give a two-year answer in a two-minute interaction? You don’t, apparently. At our adoption class, we were told to say ‘these are our kids’, introduce them by name, and just move on. Most people will put the puzzle together themselves and hopefully if they have more questions, they’ll ask us in private. There is no need to go into detail each time because the kids don’t need to be talked about as if they’re not standing there and their stories are theirs to tell, not ours.
Looking back I am sure I’ve said some stupid things to people but soon we are going to talk about what NOT to say to adoptive families. I’m sure it will be a series…