What lesson did I learn most recently in our adoption process? We had diarrhea of the mouth when we were approved to adopt Single Rider and then had to go back and tell everyone we knew that we were not going to adopt her. That freaking sucked. Everyone was so excited that its all we were asked about for a week. There was a fine line between what we could/wanted to tell and not wanting to seem like bad people for declining their offer for what may have seemed like no reason. I know people weren’t judging us for our decision but that feeling was still there, irrational or not. I felt an overwhelming need to justify our decision so people wouldn’t think we were looking for perfect, blonde-haired, blue-eyed kids with zero problems. Duh, everyone in DHS has issues and we know what we’re getting ourselves into. We also know things we are NOT willing to get ourselves into and I am so proud we made the right choice when it would have been so very easy to make the wrong one.
Preface to the next section: Miscarriages are a big deal and I want to say that in no way am I trying to say we felt the same pain that a grieving parent does.
Obviously what happened to us isn’t as hard as an actual miscarriage but we definitely now realize more seriously what people must feel having to tell everyone over and over. Reliving the sadness and answering the same questions wares on you all through this process and people don’t mean to make me cry but damn its hard to keep those tears in my eyes sometimes.
From now on we will hold our cards closer to the chest and that way no one can ask about what they don’t know. Its for our protection as well as our family and friends. They hurt when we hurt and some hurt even more when they think they have hurt us by asking something that upsets me. So there you have it, just something that I learned and wanted to share, not that I haven’t always known I should keep my mouth shut more… Just ask my mom.