Shirley, Hide My Weapons


Geeze Carynn, enough with the silent treatment already! Put your big girl panties on and write something! 

Okay, okay, I’m sorry for being so quiet. I was having a hard time there for about a week but then I got super busy and lazy and tired and lets just move on. Why was I having a hard time? Well mostly because of our failed adoption approval. We really REALLY wanted to adopt Single Rider and on the surface it seemed like things were moving along perfectly for once. The disclosure meeting felt like a punch in the stomach and even walking out of that office I was crying because I knew we were going to have to decline letting her move in with us. To be honest, I don’t feel like they should have ever offered her to us because they knew we couldn’t accept. We were feeling the guilt for about 2 minutes but then we were mostly upset at the adults that failed her in her life. I hear anger toward birthparents is normal. 

Bad parents infuriate me and I know I will need to bridle my tongue against our kids hearing my real thoughts on the people who threw away a chance to be the best thing in the world… their parent. It is completely inconceivable to ‘normal’ people like myself that a person could treat their child so poorly the government gets involved. Then, they continue to treat children in a way that gets their parental rights severed. DHS gives you about 1,367 chances to keep your kid. They don’t want to have to take them. I often just want to grab parents in the elevator of the DHS building and shake them! WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU THINKING?!?!

The rational part of me knows that obviously something is wrong with these parents (mentally, medically, economically, whatever) for them to neglect a child in that way. I know I should pity them and pray for them and remember that without them I would’t be getting the kiddos I’m going to get. Guess what, me being me means it doesn’t make me less stabby. My heart wants me to punch them in the gut SO hard. I want to flat kick their ass for ever hurting my child.

Wooooah. Okay, deep cleansing breath. Sorry about that, got a little out of control. 

Since I am the better person, I will continue to pray for my children’s birthparents even though I don’t always want to. I will be grateful for the lives they brought into the world that will be entrusted to me (hopefully soon). I will try to remain calm in any interactions I have with them but just like a volatile custody exchange in a gas station parking lot, I cannot guarantee what will go down ; )



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