I do not know what happened to the post I posted last night. I know you three followers got the email but the post is lost. Sorry for any confusion
I write it with a very heavy heart but in hopes to explain our situation to everyone at once so the texts/emails/messages will slow down enough for me to get myself together. We went to the DHS Office yesterday and had a very loooong two-hour disclosure meeting. In that meeting we immediately knew that Single Rider was not the one for us. There is no doubt in my mind but that does not make the aching in my chest stop.
You may remember that I said there would have to be something pretty big for me to feel like this wouldn’t work. Guess God knew He had to thump me on the head pretty hard so consider me concussed. Our biggest battle was the timeline not allowing us the time to find out if we were able to give her what she needs. We were told ‘you have six weeks till finalization because she will be 18 in July’ and that was the tip of the iceberg. Maybe if we had the typical 6-8 months we would give it a trial run but I just don’t think a month is fair to anyone involved in this particular case.
Many people, even my mom, have asked why and unfortunately we can’t tell you. Not only did we sign forms saying its all confidential but we decided as a couple that we were going to be playing our cards a little closer to the chest on this one. We don’t want to re-live what we read, we don’t want to cry for her more than we already are and quite frankly, its none of anyone’s business. We made a decision and we know it was the right one so lets just all trust us.
Where does that leave us? It leaves us over at the beginning. Well not all the way over, just leaves us on the list again waiting for another match. Do I worry how we will look to DHS? Maybe a little. But I guarantee they would rather us be honest than have a failed placement. I woke up feeling good this morning that we were making the right choice for our life. I emailed the worker (no response yet) and politely said thanks but no thanks on this opportunity. We will be going back to the office soon to look at more kiddos and I pray that the guilt subsides sooner rather than later.
Thanks to everyone who is praying and I know its a lot of you!