Mother’s Day is a joyous day for moms to be celebrated, right? Macaroni art, homemade cards, mani/pedi gift certificates, crappy, cold eggs and burnt toast in bed. While some moms dread cleaning up that mess, other will give anything for it. Adoption changes everything. So does infertility and so does just not having kids. To be honest, I sat in a room of my family with three other moms and fought back tears while I watched them open cheesy cards and gifts from the people that appreciate them. Adoption makes it very difficult to celebrate like others celebrate. I know we chose this path and I know I shouldn’t complain about what we bring on ourselves but it didn’t make those feelings any less real.
Adoption changes birthdays too. I LOVE celebrating birthdays but from what I hear from other adoptresses, there is a chance that the nagging feeling in my chest that day will be my heart aching for both my child and their birthmother that are not together to celebrate their accomplishment of the child’s entrance into the world. Obviously I’m not always “most women” so maybe that will never cross my mind but for many it apparently does.
The flip side is that we get some bonus holidays, I guess. Even if we don’t go all-out I will probably always remember the day they move in or our court date where they become our forever family. Heck, we may even have a name-changing party! My point is that from now on I am going to try to make sure I am conscious of the others around me that are urning to be a mom but are not and be sensitive not to assume anything about anyone at the holidays.