Every morning we have a routine. My alarm goes off at 6:45am and stumble the two steps to the window. I open the curtain and check out what is going on in our front yard. Mostly I am checking to see if there is a Zombie Apocalypse happening or I missed the Rapture. Neither to date but I’ll keep you posted. I check to see if Consuela and Carlos are still there then I waddle to the bathroom. I put on my make-up, brush my teeth and get ready for the day. THEN the fun starts. At exactly 7:00 while Husbando’s alarm is going off I sneak attack him. I crawl my way up the bed, pounce from the side, roll from the other side, whatever mood hits me. I bother him enough that he can’t go back to sleep then I get up, get dressed and go to the kitchen to start getting our lunch ready. Sometimes I return if he hasn’t shuffled by me in the timeframe I deem acceptable. Today’s agenda was as follows:
Alarm goes off.
Look out window. No zombies.
Carlos and Consuela still there and not wet. Can wear new suede shoes today.
Must have zoned out because Husbando’s alarm is already going off.
Leap from doorway onto bed like giant flying squirrel.
Following conversation happens:
- What if I was a spy? Like all this time I was a spy and you didn’t know.
- Then you wouldn’t be telling me you are a spy.
- Oh… well then I’m not a spy.
- You wouldn’t tell me that either.
- Well there are no spies. I didn’t say spy.
- Okay, good.
- But I could be one. If I wanted. I would make a great spy. Or ninja. I COULD BE A NINJA!!!
Log-roll off the bed and go to bathroom to brush teeth.
Appear in doorway brushing teeth. ‘Yuwr guwa bweee wate ig you dwont gwet mowvin! I mweann i-‘ Make a mad dash to the sink before toothpaste oozes from lip. Success.
Jump back onto bed with minty ninja breath singing ‘Wooooonnnderr Booooooyyy. What is the secret of your pooooweeeer…’ as loud as I can. Volume is important.
Husband eyeroll obviously means he loves it so I should continue sining this same Tenacious D lyric over. And over. And over. Luckily he could hear me from the 3 inches from his face I was holding my pretend microphone.
Kicked out of bed. Ouch.
So I got dressed and made lunch and met him by the front door to go to work. I am really going to miss these calm, slow mornings when I have to be the ringleader of a circus to get everyone where they need to go. I’m guessing, however, he is not.