Monthly Archives: June 2013

Out On The Limb

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I’m going out on a limb today so I like to preface a blog like this with a blanket statement protecting everyone:

These views in no way reflect that of anyone else, especially Husbando. 

There, housekeeping done.

Now I need you to look at this on BuzzFeed because I can’t figure out how to put it all in this blog. Or if I’m even allowed to. It’s hilarious, right? I just love George Takei. Put him up there with Ellen (click to see her awesomeness). Anyway, I think his reactions are perfect. From the eyebrow raises to the giant grins, George makes me giggle. More than that, I agree with them both that they should be able to love who they want. Why would anyone stop them?

Those twelve year olds talking about procreation are sending me mixed (and misspelled) messages. Are you saying that no one should marry a person that can’t or won’t have children? I mean, if you’re basing the reason for marriage on being able to have a gaggle of kiddos, how do you feel about my adoption even though we think we can have kids? Do you really think that we would be hurting the human race by letting someone get married? I hate to break it to you but they aren’t going to start having babies just because you won’t let them sign a marriage license to another man! Plus, I think the Duggars are making up for at least half the families without children so calm down. We are not going extinct.

Further, sorry McCain but you’re being ridiculous.  Ellen should have all the rights that come with marriage but she doesn’t get the actual privilege?  She can have the ceremony, the dress (or pant-suit), the cake, and the bridesmaids but instead of signing a marriage license she signs an insurance contract? Wow, you think we’re as dumb as you look. WHAT DO YOU CARE?! Let people be as happy as they can be without hurting anyone. Ever heard the saying ‘Whats good for the goose is good for the gander’? You can’t base your beliefs on religion and then not practice your part. Each person has their own sin and if you feel like someone loving their partner is one, you shouldn’t stop them. You should stop yourself. Go ahead and stop all your sins before you try to stop what you think is sin in another person. Oh, where have I heard that before? Oh yeah, Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone… (John 8:7). Thats a quote by Jesus. You know, JESUS. Listen to Him. 

So there it is. Right out there for everyone to see. This has been sitting in my ‘Drafts’ box for months and with all the news this week, I thought I’d let ‘er rip. I’ll step down off this soapbox for now but I’m sure we’ll be revisiting this topic in the future.

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How To Be A Great Husbando

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  • First, take a week off work to relax and do a few things around the house.
  • Next, tell your wife you are going to Dicky’s for dinner so when she gets home and finds this in the door, she gets totally confused.
  • On the inside of the card tell your wife to get in comfy clothes, get to the dinner table, and that you’ll be taking care of everything else.
  • For dinner you should have sparkling raspberry wine, wilted spinach, garlic cheese bread, and cedar plank salmon.
  • Dessert should totally be gourmet cupcakes you have had hidden. Totally.

I’m so lucky to have a Husbando that recognizes when I have had a total crap week and makes it better. You should too so go on Groupon and get you a match.com membership if you don’t have a Husbanso. I saw it on there earlier and think its both absurd and awesome to use a coupon for a mate. Would make for an awesome story!

Same love.

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This is one reason I think my BFFF and I are from the same DNA. I’ve been working on a blog about this for at least a few months now and I just keep chickening out on posting it. So maybe I should ease into it with this. That way if this offends you, you can go away before you REALLY see how I feel.

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I originally thought about sharing this video on my personal Facebook page but changed my mind. Not because I thought it would be too controversial, or I worried what others might think. I didn’t post it there because I felt that it would get lost in a sea of day-to-day crap and all the other pointless shit I post. And this is something that’s meant to be seen and not just glanced over.

 

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Birthday, Schmirthday

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IMG_1794My birthday is always on Father’s Day. Schnookie’s birthday is always on Mother’s Day.* Our parents played the ultimate joke on us, didn’t they? Oh you want to celebrate your own birth? Tough, we’re celebrating who brought you into the world instead! Not cool parentals. Not. Cool. However, having this problem seems petty compared to parents who decide to get pregnant nine months before Christmas. Christmas?! You really want them to share with Jesus? No one can compete with that! The pressure would be overwhelming.

Husbando and I share a birthday week and I kinda like that. Mine is 4 days before so just enough time to get the belated cards and wishes out of the way before he has his very own day. He doesn’t party up his birthday quite like I do so those four days are plenty for him.

This year he won best gifts with the Tyler Perry plays (oh Madea, you cra) and a Carlos. What is a Carlos? Its a pony to match Consuela. I have been coveting my neighbor’s lawn ornament (sorry God, I broke #10) since we moved into our house. Every day we drive by and the pony is just begging to come live with us. He was dirty and grass was growing way too high around him. Well day before my birthday they had an estate sale and Husbando stopped by to see if they would sell Carlos. Dude in charge told him he would let him go for $10. Husbando offered $5 and put him in the car. He hid him on the side of the house since he knows I would never look or even go outside now that its over 75 degrees outside. After church and brunch we came home and had the big reveal I love the bow. It really completes the awesome. We then went and got Drunk Pedis where they serve you Franzia from their frige and later had a steak. He worked so hard to make my day special.

Fast forward four days. Husbando has taken off the whole week so he is in a pretty euphoric state . He opens the pink polo and winter jacket that I have had stashed away for weeks. I had an epic grand finale planned but he decides he wants to go to the Garth/Trisha/Toby/Mel/Willie concert for tornado relief and my grand finale will wait for Christmas if we are going to that. Tickets went on sale the next morning and luckily we got some. Sold out in about a minute. We are so, so excited to go and now I have something in my back pocket that will prolong my title as Wife of the Year next year.

 

 

Obviously not always but it sure feels like it.

Best Friends Forever. Like for REAL.

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tumblr_ll5se8O0B81qb4bfao1_400I moved to Kansas the summer before third grade. It was my fourth new school in four years so I was pretty pro at being the ‘new kid’ by then. But no matter how much I had the whole ‘Just-Sit-At-The-Lunch-Table-And-Pretend-You-Belong’ thing down, it always sucks to start over with new friends. Especially when this particular school had third graders that would drill the new girl with first day questions like ‘Have you ever done it?’ and ‘Who are you gonna french kiss on Valentines Day?’ What kind of hell was that?! I didn’t even know what it was! Also, HOW DID THEY?

So I had a pretty horrible first day (or year) but I met the girl who would become my Best Friend Forever. She was a pale, dark-haired girl who could relate to me being a little chunky. We bonded over that and our mutual hatred for gym class testing. In fourth grade we were given different teachers but at least had reading together. By fifth grade we separated completely and only got to see each other at recess (by then we were down to one) and the three days they shoved all us girls in a room to talk tampons. Then we fast forward to sixth grade. Back in the day you didn’t find out what teacher you had until the lists got posted in the windows of the school about a month before classes started. And only your parents cared what teacher you were assigned. We just wanted to know what kids we would spend all year passing notes to. So when we went to check, I was excited to be in class with her and didn’t even notice we had a teacher no one had ever heard of. But who cared because WE WERE GOING TO BE IN CLASS TOGETHER! Then we started school and realized this new teacher was officially the Teacher From Hell. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger with every crazy day we spent around that woman. And we are bonded for life over that. P.S. She is rumored to have been fired soon after that year.tumblr_mnir7g4Lkc1qgggt8o1_500

It didn’t matter that in seventh and eighth grade we didn’t have ONE class together. It didn’t matter that we lived on opposite sides of town. It didn’t matter that she was always busy doing homework and I was out riding my bike with the boys. We were best friends. It didn’t even matter that we had waited so long to be locker buddies our freshman year and I moved out of state the day before that dream could have been reality. True story. We moved four hours away the day before I started high school. But this time, instead of just being the new kid (again), I could go home and call her and we could talk for hours about how horrible everything was. She would fill me in on the same ol’ crazies we grew up with and I would tell her about all the new crazies I’d found in my small town.

She came to visit me and I went to visit her. We spent her sixteenth birthday together at the DMV getting her license and thats when I knew we would never really be separated. I will always be able to get to her and she will always be able to get to me. We were the Maids of Honor at the other’s weddings, We’ve been through puberty, first kisses, bad haircuts, graduations, weddings, babies, moves, deaths, and a very long list of stupid STUPID ideas. We may not spend every weekend having a slumber party anymore but we do share the other’s achievements, losses, successes and pain because we are more family than any family I was born with. I didn’t set out to make this post so sappy but when I get to talking about the person who has been there for me the longest, I get all sentimental. And I hope each and every one of you gets to have a BFF like mine at least some time in your life. One that sticks with it and makes the effort to continually make you feel better when they are around.

So happy birthday to my BFF. I know no card or meme can accurately depict our relationship but enjoy anyway ; )

C-

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Their recent visit was during a storm so all their family kept calling. And calling. And calling. Apparently they don’t have twisters in Kansas…?

Also: Dear BFFF, I can’t wait to write something like this about you in about 15 years. Only will we have blogs when we live on Saturn and drive hover-cars? ; )

Back to School- Part 9 DONE!

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I don’t even know if I was this excited at my college graduation. My tolerance for school is so low these days, I would doubt it. We didn’t really learn much about child behavior tonight, we just watched a video, played a game, ate snacks and ‘graduated’ with our certificates. Fine by me!

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We were so afraid the ‘everyone bring snacks’ idea would end poorly that Husbando and I got a little snack for insurances purposes.

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Every week we have to get our little card signed and now it is complete! BAM! We are don’t-stick-kids-in-the-closet-class graduates!

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The blue book is our nine week workbook and the green book is what we get for completing the class. It is a huge book of resources available to us. I am sure we’ll be referencing it often because it has websites, hotlines, and info we can use to make a better life for our kiddos. Score!

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Lastly, if you see this woman, don’t let your kids around her. If I knew how, I would report her for being a terrible person. Her answer for a great free activity for your family was ‘Dine and dash or sneaking into Big Splash’. Nice. Then when we were talking about the confidentiality policy she said she puts pics up on Facebook all the time and no one told her she couldn’t. I explained it was on the application and other paperwork too and she said ‘I didn’t have time to read all that’. Oh, well you know… if you were busy, you were busy I guess. Grrr.

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So after I got out of there without shanking her, we celebrated at Sonic with the new shakes. I had Peanut Butter and Jelly. Totally recommend it!

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So there you have it, two graduates ready for some kiddos! I keep telling myself not to put a date on when I think we’ll get them but I think by Halloween sounds nice. Try a nice soft holiday before we get into the big ones. Lets all cross our fingers.

Thanks to everyone who has been so supportive with this process. We appreciate all your kind words, Facebook comments, questions and encouragement.

Back to School Part 8- Eye On The Prize

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We are almost there. One more. Does it really matter what we learned? Not really. Our eye is on the prize! Last week was the worst and most jam-packed session we’ve had so it can only get better.

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But look at this cute guy paying attention. He is such a trooper… or his iPad was dead.

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Then during break I saw this. Who needs a gallon or red drank? I mean class is rough but not THAT rough that you have to pack that much to carry around.

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Oh yeah, Jimi Toni, my little traveling Gnomad made an appearance at class. He didn’t really enjoy himself but he loves my new Mason jar insulated cup. Me too, JT!

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So one more. We got this.