Divorcable Offenses

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I am a very patient woman and…

Shoot. Ok, I’ll try again.

I am a decently patient woman who…

Crap.

Fine!

I am one panic attack short of a raging maniac on any given day but there are certain things that make me want to go into a tailspin. I got into the car Monday night and there it was. The divorceable offense above all others… the gas light. Not only was the car empty but  the light was ON y’all. I can’t get in a car that is empty. I am always getting in the car with just the right amount of time to get somewhere and don’t have time to mess with QT! I can hear Kanye now. Shoulda got a pre-nup. One that says for every time this happens I get a new purse. Man, hindsight stinks.

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P.S. If I was going to start a list, messing up photos would be in the top five. I am always a perfectionist when it comes to photos so after I get the angle, lighting and pose right, if I see a crossed eye or tongue sticking out, I may shank someone.

I took a poll of the office there are a few other ideas: sharing nail clippers, shaving your facial hair into weird ways without warning your girlfriend, using too much TP, putting empty containers back in the frige, letting the trash overflow the receptacle, cutting all your long hair into a pixie and not cleaning out the sink after peeling potatoes into it. I don’t necessarily agree with all of those but thought you may like to see other opinions.

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Also, please know that this is all a joke and I would never divorce Husbando. He deserves to pay dearly for some of the stunts he pulls and I wouldn’t let him out that easy ; )

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