The Price of Babies

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Warning, this is not a fun/happy/lighthearted blog post. Also, adoption is a wonderful thing no matter how you do it but everyone has an opinion and this one is mine. It is not meant to offend anyone.

Today I am feeling a little heavy. Wait. Not just because of my larger-than-life physique but because I’ve been struggling internally with writing a post on this topic. International vs. Domestic vs. DHS adoption is something only adopting families really have to think much about. Most people don’t even know what the terms mean unless they plan on bringing another human into their home.

The Mother-In-Love asked me last week when and why I knew I wanted to adopt. Not exactly light conversation in a very public restaurant (Bonefish Grill is obviously allergic to dividers) but something I am always happy to share. So I explained it had always been in my heart since I could remember (definitely at least high school) and would have to be something a potential mate and I agreed on before I could commit to spending my life with someone. About half-way through the conversation I hit the wall that I very often hit these days. I have opinions. Strong opinions. No surprise to anyone that knows me. But lately I’ve found myself censoring my opinions so I don’t look like a giant B-word. That time has now passed I guess. The secret? I get all wound up with people who complain about the cost of private adoption but STILL DO IT. If you can afford it, spend your money how you want. BUT, I don’t think its right to spend tens of thousands of dollars to buy a baby you can’t afford. There are entire sites and blogs dedicated to raising money for people to travel half-way around the world to pluck from a foreign cabbage patch. Are you kidding me?! You want me to give you my hard-earned money so you can buy a kid at 30 times the price we are spending on ours? Have you been to your local DHS? How can anyone in the adoption world not know that its practically free, you don’t have to foster (you can go straight to adoption) and there are tons of good (and young) kids you could be helping?! I just don’t understand.

See what I mean? It comes off harsh. I feel like the B-word even typing it but get me a margarita and an audience and I will go to town. I will have everyone in the room ready to call DHS tomorrow to get their own gaggle of munchkins. Peeps, lets spend that $30 G’s on something like oh… college education… food and clothing… family trips together… feeding the family you already have… Lame stuff like that. There I go again. B-Word.

Ok, so there ya go. I wrote it. I put it out there. I am a big giant opinionated person but man do I feel better. Oh and for the love of Pete, please consider talking to me or anyone in the DHS system about adopting before you spend a ridiculous amount of money buying a baby. These kids need a family and you don’t have to go broke to give them that!

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3 responses »

  1. I figure it ain’t *rhymes-with-itchy* if the passion you have for something fuels you to make life better for someone other than yourself. It’s something you BELIEVE in, that you have a heart for, and these kids are going to feel that the minute they step into your home.

    Also, I was in a divider-less restaurant a few weeks ago. What the heck? At first, I was like “Wait, something looks different here…” Then I realized If I leaned back too far in the booth, I could have smacked noggins with the person behind me. Even Steak n’ Shake has dividers, people. Sheesh.

  2. This is a big issue for my family right now, one that does not have any clear solutions. While I do believe that children in “the system” are in need of loving homes, I’m also faced with an ethical family planning crisis. My first son was adopted a few years ago. He’s a delight that came into our family without the need to spend ridiculous amounts of money on a human-trafficking adoption agency. Adopting a second child through DHS will most likely mean adopting out of birth order (something that will cause issues for both of my kids) or waiting years to adopt (something that delays the growth of my family and causes other complications).

    Then, there are a multitude of other questions. Are children in state custody more needing of or more worthy of adoption than others, especially foreign orphans? Are those seeking adoption any more responsible to care for these children than those giving birth to natural offspring? Shouldn’t every good parent just go down to DHS and adopt children, regardless of whether they have fertility issues?

    I do wholeheartedly agree that parents should look into working with DHS to adopt children. I’m not sure they should do it just to save money though, nor am I sure it is unethical to adopt through other means.

    • First, please don’t take offense to anything I say because I only have to go off of what goes on here in Oklahoma. The DHS system here approves most adoptive parents within 60 days of applying and that mostly depends on how fast you get the training program done. Children right under our noses needing a forever family. Children who have been plucked from their home and could use some stability. Their foster parents could live on the next block and we would let them keep any relationships they have now. They could continue in the same daycare they are in, etc. Many children are under 4 or 5 (I think from what I read is what you’re looking for) without any special needs beyond a loving, accepting home. The average is right around a year but may be longer depending on what stipulations you put on the application (sex, race, etc). Because we are accepting a sibling group, they think it should take much less. Even if it doesn’t, a year is just a little longer than a pregnancy. On that note, yes, people should be adopting who don’t have fertility issues. As far as we know we can have kids by ourselves, its just not what is right for us. In my dream world everyone would feel the same compassion and make sure all the kids in DHS were adopted before having their own. But its just a dream and I know not everyone will do that so we’re doing our part. I guess my point is that if you haven’t talked to someone at your local DHS, or whatever it is called there, you may want to. It took 30 minutes for them to explain the whole process and you may find yourself liking what you hear. I mean, you should still run, but maybe more for yourself and not to earn the money 😉

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