I must admit something to all the millions (or two) followers that I have. I started this blog to document a big event in our lives. I mean Nephy-Niece is cute and all but that is not what this is all about.
We are starting a family!
No one start planning a shower yet though because my baby factory has not been opened for business. We have applied for adoption. Since the first things I want to know when someone tells me they are adopting are all too personal to ask, I thought I would save you the curiosity and just lay it all on the line.
Q: Why are you adopting? Can you not have your own kids?
A: To my knowledge, I am not infertile. We haven’t even tried to get pregnant. In fact, we have done the opposite by paying monthly for the best birth control they make. Adoption has always been in my plans since far before I met Husbanso. This is something that God put in my heart some time long ago and was a requirement of anyone I wanted to marry. I also want a big family. Another husband requirement.
Q: How many do you want?
A: The plan for right now is to adopt a sibling group (3-4 kids) and then later maybe get pregnant with 1-2 more. No one hold me to that because no one ever knows what is going to happen. I even heard Husbando tell someone the other day ‘Three or four but if the right six-pack came along and we knew they were for us, it could happen’. I almost fell out my chair. But he is right. We know the right kids are out there for us and even though we gave our caseworker a guideline, God will do what He wants.
Q: Girl or Boys?
A: For the rooming situation at our house we have two bedrooms with two beds each. If it was four children, that equals two girls and two boys, 4 boys, or 4 girls. I don’t know that I could handle all boys but like I said, I am not making this decision at this point.
Q: What race? Don’t you want your kids to look like you?
A: The percentage of white children in foster care is lower than that of other races. Do I want the first thing that people see to be our family is ‘different’ or that our children are obviously adopted? Not really. But I think you can work on fixing that no matter the race of your family. My goal is that no matter what our children look like, our family bond is what people notice first. The love we radiate as a group should be infectious enough to distract from who is the baby daddy. Plus, it could be fun to do this.
Q: Can’t the kids be taken from you?
A: We are only opening our application up to children who have had their parental rights to the birth parent severed by the state. That means the children are fully adoptable and we are taking them from their foster home into a forever home.
Q: Can you really afford to adopt?
A: To adopt out of the Oklahoma DHS system is actually very inexpensive. Not to sound like a couponer for kids but the price per child goes down when you adopt more kids at one time. Supposedly, the average cost to adopt one child is under $1,500. That includes your lawyer, paying for background checks/fingerprints, travel, etc. Since several things are paid for just once, it lowers the cost significantly. There are also private and state grants you can apply for as well as ongoing and one-time allowances from OKDHS. Some grants will even cover you to buy new furniture to accomodate your new family. How cool is that?
Q: How is your family going to react?
A: Well we have gotten mixed reviews when mentioning it in the past but now that we are really moving forward, everyone seems to be excited. Some people treat the news with the same excitement that they would have if we told them we are pregnant (those are my favorite responses). Others seem to be more reserved and are probably thinking of all the scary stories they’ve heard. Or they just don’t know a lot about adoption. And that is okay, we understand. We are so, so blessed to have a huge amount of people who care for us and want the best for our family.
Q: Doesn’t the process take, like, forever?
A: With local, non-private adoptions the average is said to take 9-12 months. On one message board they said that people willing to take multiple or older children are usually not on a waiting list at all and as soon as their paperwork/background check/home study is all completed they are matched quickly.
If you have ANY other questions, even if they seem nosey, feel free to ask. We are going to be open to all questions, suggestions, help, testimonials and jokes. Hopefully lots of jokes. I love jokes.
Tomorrow I will let you know where we are in our process because its a little different than what I envisioned from my extensive knowledge of the process… baseed solely from the show Judging Amy.